Last night I was doing a bit of writing. It was a little stream of consciousness piece, from the point of view of a woman having a claustrophobic anxiety attack on a packed rush-hour bus. Now I am not claustrophobic (or prone to panic attacks), but the feeling I got when I was writing this, from this woman’s mind outwards, was intense. It was really something else. A profoundly unsettling feeling of unease. I had to take a break and go for a walk instead!
It was a new experience for me. I’ve never been effected like that just by writing before now. I don’t think that what I produced was great literature by any standard, but it was a very interesting sensation!
I also found this piece of artwork, by Susan Gardner. It’s quite evocative of claustrophobia in ways! (Click the link, it’s better that way.)
Okay…so I read this on the 11th when you posted it and I’m still thinking about it. See, here’s the deal: I am slightly claustrophobic AND definitely prone to panic attacks but it’s not something I would even know how to describe in writing. That’s why it’s been on my mind, because now I’m thinking about taking a stab at writing something, anything that tries t capture these feelings. Which, by the way, as you kinda learned through this experience, are not really enjoyable. So I’m going to try…and I’ll let everyone know where the idea came from…if that’s okay with you? Also, I’d love to read what you wrote…if that is something you wouldn’t mind sharing.
I’ll dig it out for you. I wrote it on paper, not PC.
You know the famous Molly Bloom piece at the end of James Joyce’s Ulysses? (I’m a big JJ fan, by the way!) Like a thousand words without a space or a punctuation mark? Well that’s sort of the thing I was aiming for, just trying to write thoughts as they are thought, rather than the way they are usually written.
It freaked me out a bit. It was as if I got into a character’s head, and thought like she thought. It’s hard to explain!
OK, I’ve dug it out. As I said before, it’s nothing all that special though! The lack of punctuation is intentional, but it might be annoying!
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Deep breaths Janey deep breaths just breathe deep it’s all in your head no reason to panic, you’ve done this bus ride thousand times before, nothing happened then nothing will happen now it’s safe.
The rain rattled against the window. Inside, steam floated up from the backs of the commuters and shoppers who filled the bus. In her agitation, Janey was beginning to attract attention.
It’s OK, just breathe deep but they know, look at them looking they are watching you and they know…it’s all in your head so get a grip come on pull yourself together are you losing your mind – no I’m not a lunatic just get a grip things like this don’t happen to you now you’re getting in a state and my heart is thumping breathe but I can’t fill my lungs deep enough and pounding heart in this sardine can bus and if I have a heart attack how the hell will they stretcher me through this solid chunk of humans ofuckohshit…
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Well that’s what all the fuss was about!